Saturday, 30 May 2015

Sherry cherry rhododendron whispering / retrospective thoughts

I am 19 and I will be so for less than a month
Today I woke up to the smell of nectarines and thought of Crete
It's strange how in the seemingly short time
(because what is 19 years compared to an eternity)
I have lived so many lives, been so many people, and have met others (that made everything perfect),
been to so many places where I've just seen the light, and everything that makes sense in life

I've listed many places, so many countries
just writing them down makes me happy
Feel accomplished
it's mainly a privilege that enabled me to live that way - the privilege to live on a safe continent in a wealthy part of the earth, having the freedom to travel and collect new experiences
Hell, I've been living in a foreign country for 9 months now

Sometimes, being on my own for 2 days makes me feel trapped and lost

Even dreams can transform into something you wish was only temporary and yet, wish could always be

Life is one big trip and sometimes you just need to remind yourself that it goes on, even if it doesnt feel like it. And once you've reached the end of something you can't but wonder how you've ever desired for it to get that far.  And then it goes on.
Time passes but it creates the most beautiful nostalgia that makes a heart blossom like flowers in spring .

I think back to the time when I was surrounded by young people in South France that stood on a rock on a quest to find wifi

Or kajaking,  mountain climbing, sailing, sleeping under the ceiling of billions of stars there

Think of the time I had a deep conversation about life with a stranger in a park in nightly Berlin

How I saw my favourite band with a cute boy for the first time at a festival

That time I was surrounded by elderly aficionados of the United Kingdom and we all raised our glasses of sherry to the newborn prince

Many many perfect and soft summer nights

All the time I spent in Crete

The disco nights where we played on a swing surrounded by pink blossoms had colourful kids' cocktails that tasted of coconut

And when I came back many years later
At a birthday party at a house overlooking the endless ocean
I saw two girls that seemed happy together
And wore my blue dotted dress, drawing, and had gin tonic (loorbeer)
And how the stars reflected on our Jeep

The times I crocheted dresses for my toy cat and listened to detective audiobooks on the ferry to Greece

And when we went to the market, had locomadez and bought lots of fresh fruit and gingerbread shower cream

I remember my hair being in braids and all those early mornings and late nights at harbours

Or the night time/early morning going to a bakery and then being on a car for the whole day

The one time forest fires scared us and my spirit brother cat

Or the big supermarket in Patras that just sold all the things

and the time I brought my new camera with me and took so many pictures

.... I really wanna write a book about all these things...


why ever worry, when you have lived through all this beauty? ♡

---
words (c) alissa cha, 2015

did and done / the wind will carry you far, far from here / jaw lines


i found wonderland
not hidden, but would one ever expect it
a little bit of actual paradise
where you take care of the things around you
the swirling lightness of white things
little things
in the air things

the ever flowing river of immense truth
beauty that will never leave (i hope)

i feel summer in my bones
and the love so deep in me
it's the darkness of the night
that one day shall set me free

i don't need to be alice
for i'm alissa nathanael
the rabbit hole i once fell into
is the whole wide word
and it won't cease to be
it won't lose any of its colours
for they are ever so bright, ever so true
to what aligns with the little strings
that connect things in my mind

and when one fails to
just a floating fibre in the web of nothingness
i hope for humans
and soon even more humans
who know me
and can catch a wounded kitten
with their hearts



boy faces

(plus really bad blending and weird contouring)
body / shape comparatives // nature repeats itself, we are all of one matter
if a figure moves, it just morphs through space, a concept we are all part of
 i want to move like a river, or be as calm as a lake
feeling so infinite that the sky can be the only extension
floating through unexpected nature

i found a vast golf course
a gigantic field of well-kept lawn
yet i am surrounded by bricks over bricks over bricks

we stack stones and build things
trying to shape stories we want to write ourselves
they become purposes
but really, how beautiful is it, to admire something whose sole purpose is
to exist ?
nature and humans
we aren't just black or white, blue or pink
we are all the colours

there are only the restrictions we set ourselves,
the borders on our minds
 some day i'd love to be an actor
want to tell stories with what i do
in a way, i already am
but no one's watching
sometimes i'm surrounded by people
other days stood alone on a vast beach
waves crushing, white noise
sometimes silence
say, are we all creatures in this big play
so that if we zoom out the script would make sense
and all would fall in place?


i want to merge with you
marble, pristine
we are one and distance can't separate us
love eternally
just like in the old days
where people used to write profound love letters 
or their lover's name in their ICQ status

no, our love will always be
not a fleeting thing but something that connects us
a shared understanding
because when i see you sleeping next to me 
all makes sense
for that short time (it always feels, so short) 
everything makes sense

 play hide-and-seek with me in the faerie woods
i'm gonna take you these places
write books about it
make it a significant memory

but then again
everything i share with you is

< pictures all snapped on my phone while cycling through beautiful scenery // words (c) alissa n. cha, 2015 >

Tuesday, 5 May 2015

conforming

making decisions is something the ghost is not fond of
they reflect in oceans so deep, the ground has swallowed itself
an abyss of dark moss and blackness, shadows that lower themselves as veil
in sweeter times it was chai-coloured and soft, like velvet or chiffon georgette
the fabric analogies are implied irony, of course

in a country of non-conformists, what is it to not conform? 
in a state of monotony, what is it to stick out?
can you pay the price of freedom ? can your risk not being able to express/
is this sacrifice possible, are you to feel guilty about being so selfish

it is selfish, is it not, to strive for full expression

how many people in this world suppress their inner self in order to keep something going
something intact

my gift to humanity is something that seeks to destroy a certain order

like an impenetrable wall it should crumble with a smash
for daylight to stream in 

i want to abolish darkness

but how would i do that in a culture where darkness is worshipped
as dark humour sort of thing

how is it possible to always contemplate life 

as an hourglass that runs against events
three years are a long time, so is one year
but every second can be precious if right decisions are made

good art can come from a good, sane mind

there is no destruction necessary to go places 
the destruction can also be distraction 
it is a valid part of the path that is nature-given
like the tides, it is important to recognise it and to let it pass
sweeping over oneself until it's gone
comes night, follows day / moon and sun in changing order
us humans are so similar

many would not understand this but

we come from nature and nature can give us all these answers
intuition is key and so is returning to one's roots 
roots are within and without
they are trees and cherry blossoms (even if these are pink)
they are bonds, love and family
the whole vast sky and ocean
the darkness of forests and the divine beauty they hold
the body and skin that holds this spirit

these all are roots

we need not forget when we are lost in communication
sorrow, worries, love, at times
that all this is a natural wheel that turns around in a continuous motion

i feel like things will come naturally

hopefully

if you need decisions, go within yourself


that's a solution, perhaps


( (c)alissa cha, 05/05/2015)